S&T, part, the second

So, funny story, a few years back I applied for a job that was advertised as an S&T job. I was interviewed by a panel and did not get the position...

After the interview, I asked for feedback so I could do better the next time. Their feedback was that they saw me as more of an Administrative leader than as an S&T type person.

Okay, cool, thanks for the feedback, now I know what types of jobs to look for at that location, right?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, Nope, wrong answer!

Tried for those types of jobs 7 times.

requested feedback in all instances after being told, NO.

Only was given feedback 2 times, was completely ignored the other 5 times.

Regardless of my asking multiple times when no feedback was ever forthcoming.

Met with (former, been re-orged since then) Admin Boss who said, "What???? No, you should not be trying for Branch Head!!! You are an S&T type!"

Well, that explains my repeated failures, he has been telling people that and not supportive of my desires. Got it.

Depression and Work

I have been very depressed over the last year... I was working on a project where I gave my heart and soul... but it was full of micro-managers who didn't give a damn about how hard I worked or how good the product was, they couldn't care less about the 'requirements' or 'schedule', they just were always setting fires (themselves, or their managers) then running around without a plan, trying to put out the fires... I guess they were incentivized to look busy. One manager, he usually got in about 7:30 am, so I made a point of getting in by 7 so I could be at my desk, working, when he showed up. I'd stay until 5, bring lunch and eat it while on telecons. Strictly forbidden from working overtime. When I'd leave for the day, he'd have already left... Anyway. I quit that project with hard feelings between me and them, though on some occasions since then they have asked for my help. The final straw came when subcontractors to ME were being ordered about by THEM... strictly illegal stuff. I reminded them, through proper channels, that this was illegal and that they should not do such. They continued. It came to a head when one of them shortened a deadline by 50%, then, when I was out of the office, told my contractor who was working that issue to cease, and that he was 'not allowed' to work it. So, I told that person, they were NOT allowed to direct my contractors. the contract was not through them, thus their attempts at direction were illegal (it's complicated).

So, for the last year or so, I have been severely depressed. My Administrative manager had been very understanding and allowed me to go negative in my leave... (yeah, he could do that or give me admin leave, and I asked to go negative because I didn't want them giving me any benefit that everyone else doesn't get... sue me for being a stupid asshole).

Now we have re-orged. I have a new administrative manager. She sees my negative leave balance and freaks out. Tomorrow I have a meeting with her to 'discuss' (though she is VERY MUCH one way only, she speaks, you listen, so the use of the word, 'discus' I do not understand).

I expect bad news.

Very down. Very depressed. Work seems pointless. They keep giving me jobs I have no idea how to do, have never done, then being surprised when I have trouble doing them, perfectly (or even 80%) the first time, by their ridiculous deadlines (example of ridiculous deadline, She (current admin boss) came to me and told me I was going to do "X", I said, I have never done "X", never used that software, don't have access to that network. She said, don't worry, you have until Feb/Mar to figure it out. I said, okay. I will give it my best. I met with the team two days later, they told me it was due end of Dec. I didn't get access to the software/network until Nov. This is stupid!)

But I need the money, until I hit the lottery. Or die. FYI, last week I had another death in my family, new Admin Boss would not give me bereavement leave.

Awesome. I feel the love.